Yesterday I did my first speaking engagement as Executive Director of my organization. I was invited to give a speech on volunteerism in Canada to a group of new immigrants. It was my first time speaking in public in almost 6 months. Before hand I was rather nervous, it was almost like a race car driver getting back behind the wheel after crashing (alright, so I know nothing about driving a race car, but you get the idea :) ).
Almost as soon as I stepped behind the podium, everything came back: The feeling of being "at home". Feeling that internal "switch" turn on when I am on stage. The feeling of being "connected" with the audience, even though I didn't know any of them personally. Seeing thoughts turn into words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs in my mind. The feeling was just as I remembered it. And it felt...good. I focused on encouraging them as new immigrants, and stressing to them that they can make a difference in the communites they live in through volunteering.
Afterwards many people came to talk to me, telling me they were encouraged by the talk. I spoke with one person after another, shook hands with them, trying to learn their names (It was almost like church!). But one encounter in particular stopped me in my tracks.
A spanish speaking lady came up, we spoke for a while, and then she asked me:
"Are you a Christian?"
It's been a long time since anyone had asked me that. To be honest, it's been a long time since I have thought about myself in those terms. I found myself hesitating, not knowing how best to respond. Finally I said, "Um...yes I am."
She explained to me that she is Catholic, and how she has been struggling as a new immigrant to this country. And then with tears in her eyes, she gave me a big smile, and said:
"I could tell you are a Christian. I see God in you"
"I see God in you."
Wow.
W-O-W.
6 months.
For 6 whole months, every night I hear the judging, condemning words that was spoken to me 6 months ago by those whom I thought were my friends.
For the first time in 6 months, someone said something to me that went to that same place in my heart where those hurtful words were stored.
For the first time in 6 months, I hear the condemning voices begin to fade, and I felt a sense of...healing.
"I see God in you"
Wow.
Chalk it up to another step forward.
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Dear Pastor: I don't quite know what happened six months ago, but let me assure you, I have seen God in you when you were my pastor, and I am seeing God in you through your blog now. Please keep up this blog....
Dear Pastor: I don't quite know what happened six months ago, but let me assure you, I have seen God in you when you were my pastor, and I am seeing God in you through your blog now. Please keep up this blog....
Dear Alfred,
I cried when I read your blog. So happy to hear that you have finally felt some sense of healing. Thanks for being so honest in communicating your inner feeling!
Way to go!! God can use you in mighty ways yet!
You've been in my daily prayers!
X-parishoner
Alfred,
Good to hear that! It's always when you are being a blessing to others, then people can see God in you. If we only focus on ourselves, only the bitterness will grow and eventually consume our lives.
When you taught us about grace, we did see God in you. I pray that God will make you a blessing to many more people.
Keep it up!
Ah Li.
Almost like church, eh?
I took a preaching class with you, today will be my second day at a new job - working as a gopher for a pretty neat non-profit that helps low income families into home ownership.
It too is 'almost like church'. Irony.
Thanks for the post.
You cause tear in my eyes again. But this time, it feels much better.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Support you my friend! :) :) :)
Hi Alfred!
Hooray for God's still small voice speaking to you amidst all the new things happening in your life.
We really don't understand or know your hurts, but know that you are being prayed for even here in Taiwan. We're very excited about how God will use you in your new job.
Blessings!
Dear Alfred,
I pray that God will continue to heal you and give you hope for each new day. Take care!
from a sister
Hey Alf!! Glad to hear/read that your skills are being put to good use and that you're continuing to bless people in your new job! Thanks for sharing about the encounter...happy to hear that you feel things are moving forward! Continuing to life you in prayer in the land downunder! :)
Dear Alfred, I broke into tears when I read your blog. It's comforting to hear that you are on your way to healing, and I guess God does work in mysterious ways.
Dear Alfred,
I have been away and just came back two days ago. I am so glad to read what you wrote recently.
We are not responsible nor can be responsible for other's actions but we need to be responsible for our own.
Don't let hatry, hurtings to drive your life. Be yourself, be accountable to yourself. Yes, we all need healings but we need to move on.
As you said it is a good feeling to running after something instead of running from something.
Ask yourself how do you want to spend the rest of your life. What do you want to accomplish 10 years from now.
I am sure God can still use you, there are so much out there waiting for you. Make youself count for the remaining years.
I heard a story when I was in China about a little girl. At the end, she learned that she can change curse into blessing. She has a dream, she believes that she can be a translator, she can be useful. She lost both of her legs in a car accident. She didn't have hope for many many years until someone brought her hope and give her a dream. She even goes on to say that she wants to be a blessing to others. I was so encouraged by her story. I told myself I want to do the same, be a blessing to others. Forget about my pain and move on to do something better than remembering my pain.
Keep going and let God work with you.
Bill
thankyou for sharing. miss you all a lot.
if you keep being who you are,
doing what you do,
doesn't matter where you are,
you will keep hearing it over and over again.
and yes, you belong to the stage.
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