A visit to an orphanage

Our agency was told that we need to move out of our current location by the end of the year, so lately part of my responsibilities included scouting out possible new office space. Today I was visiting a possible location in a most unusual building: the historic Loyal True Blue and Orange Home in Richmond Hill.

The Loyal True Blue and Orange Home was a large orphanage that opened in the 1920's. Today the building has been turned into a school as well as office suites for non-profit community service agencies. As I was being given a tour of the building, the person took me to a floor where the original layout has not been disturbed. He pointed out to me the original closet spaces where the children's coats were kept, and I even saw an old wheelchair that looked like it was from the "original days". It was like travelling back in time.

Perhaps because of my experience in adopting a child, as we stood in that old space I found myself quietly becoming a little emotional. I looked at the old, exposed brick walls and wood floors, and "saw" children who spent cold winter nights there instead of being in the warmth of their parents' homes. I looked out the window onto the large fields outside and wondered how many children stood in front of that very same window, gazing out on to that same field on countless Christmas mornings, feeling the loneliess of not having family.

On my way out I noticed the differet human service agencies that the building houses today. There are agencies that serve people with different illnesses and disabilities: Autism, Epilepsy, Learning Disabilities, just to name a few. Quietly, a gentle wish welled up inside: I wish my life can be useful in creating a world where children will no longer be abandoned, where people will not be stigmatized because of their illnesses, where we will finally learn, and take seriously, the dignity that is part of what it means to be human.

A Thumbs Up Day!

Today was one of those Saturdays where we had nothing planned. After having breakfast at our usual neighborhood diner, we were wondering what we could do for the day. It was raining outside, so anything outdoors was out of the question. Suddenly I had this idea: Taylor has never been on the subway! Why don't we leave the car and take her downtown via "The Better Way"?

Taylor loved the subway! She said hi and chatted with EVERYONE, from the ticket agent to just about everyone in the car. (Whether they felt like chatting or not :-P) After walking around Eaton Centre for a bit, Taylor was exhausted...we had a hard time getting her to leave this store display :-)



On the way home, our little girl had a great idea (which, not surprising for her, involved food :-) . She said, "Mommy, why don't you teach me how to make chocolate chip cookies?" So we stopped off at a grocery stores to pick up some ingredients. After dinner, mother and daughter went to work. What better way for a little girl to finish up a great day with a cookie she made herself and some milk?

Lantern Festival!

On Friday night we went to check out the Lantern Festival with a couple of friends. What a wonderful time we had! The lanterns were quite a sight to see. Just thought I'd share a few pics with you here. Go check them out on my online album:

http://picasaweb.google.ca/alfred.lam/LanternFestival#

The pain of abandonment...

It's 2:30 in the morning. I went to check on my little girl one last time before heading to bed myself. As I sat down by her bed and watched her sleep, I started thinking about the early days of her life. I started to imagine what it was like being her...

It must have been so hard for her being abandoned the moment she was born. I never thought about it this way, but abandonment was her first experience of human relationship in her life. While other new born babies enjoy the warmth of their mother's embrace, she was left, abandoned, on a cold November day on a pile of dirt by the road.

As I thought about that, somehow I felt a deep sense of connection with her. For I too know what it's like to be abandoned, to be left behind, left for dead by those whom I thought I could count on. As I thought about that, that familiar wave of pain welled up in my heart. I found myself making a promise to her:

"For as long as I live, I will never abandon you. Never. I will not let what happened to me happen to you. You and I both know what it feels like to be abandoned. Never again will I let you go through that."

Sleep tight, little one.

Friends

Crazy day today.

Got to the office, running miserably late. Scheduled to interview someone for an opening on my staff in 15, no, 10, actually, in 6 minutes. Hadn't even looked at her resume. Wait...was it a she or a he??

Shoved my lunch bag into the fridge in the staff kitchen, completely squishing someone's pie in the process, transforming it from pie to pancake in 0.4 seconds (oh boy...memos will fly tomorrow: "Food Vandalism in the Staff Kitchen!").

Ran...actually CRASHED into the office. My assistant looked up and said, "Oh, you just missed a phone call. Your best friend from Hong Kong called. Said he'll call back in 20 minutes"

What the...? Who?

Never mind...turned on my computer, waiting for the darn thing to boot up...frantically clicking the mouse trying to "speed it up" (Have you ever done that? Why do we do that?)

Phone rang again...for me.

I recognized the voice instantly. Oh my gosh....

It was, as the message said earlier, my best friend from Hong Kong. A friend I grew up with.

We haven't spoken in years. He heard that "something" had happened to me. He took it upon himself to look up where I work (I have no clue how he did it), found my number and called.

Just like that, time stood still. Like hitting the pause button, all the craziness of the morning felt like it's been put on hold.

Sometimes, that's what happens when a friend "walks in".

Given the fact that we haven't talked to each other in years, it was a remarkably brief conversation. He simply said: "Listen, it doesn't matter what happened. I don't need to know. I just called to make sure you are okay. Don't let anyone judge you. Don't pay attention to what people say. They don't matter. Don't give up. You will survive. You'll make it." After promising to keep in touch, he hung up and let me get back to work.

Among the few truly life changing lessons I have learned during this "episode" of my life, one of them is that I learned who are my friends, and who aren't. Having been betrayed and hurt by those whom I thought were friends to me, I now look upon that as a blessing. Because it allowed me to be taught and shown what real friends are supposed to be, and I have been humbled.

A friend looks you up, tracks you down, searches you out and won't stop until he does.

A friend does not care to know everything. He cares about you.

A friend does not judge you, and stands up for you against those who do.

A friend won't quit on you, and won't let you quit on yourself.

A friend does all that, simply because he is your friend.

To my friend, whom I know is reading this: Thank you. There isn't much more I can do or say, but between friends, I hope that's enough.

In the meantime, my interviewee showed up...I had to get through the hour long meeting "pretending" I was there.

I did alright though. After all, I played that game for most of my adult life.

But no more. I'm out. I'm done.

Twinkle twinkle little star...

A couple of weeks ago, I put up this night light in my little girl's bedroom. The first night I turned it on for her, I heard singing coming from her room in the middle of the night. I went over and found her lying in her bed, looking at the star and singing "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are...". On her face was this expression, this look that tells you she is off in her own dreamland... wondering where the star will take her.

The longer I have been a parent, the more I am convinced that the ability to imagine, to create, to dream, to wish for something more than the eyes can see is a gift that all of us are given. In many ways, that's part of what defines the human spirit. It's a core part of who we are and what we are.

In the pursuit of faith, two elements are key and central, just as hydrogen and oxygen are key elements in the formation of water (I had to throw that in there for people who mock my lack of scientific knowledge :): (1) The freedom to wonder and to doubt and (2) The ability to dream and to imagine. It occured to me, while I watched my little girl sang, that this is precisely what is lacking in the way the church teaches young people to develop "faith". It perhaps also explains why the church in general has trouble reaching youths.

In the church, we are big on teaching "What" we believe: doctrines, rules, statments of faith, etc. We are not nearly as good in teaching "How" to believe: encouraging questions and doubts, giving space for creative, new and individual expressions of faith through the arts, directing resources to allow young people to not only dream of doing something different but actually trying to make it into reality. It is self contradicting and ultimately self-defeating, I have learned, to encourage people to "believe" and then hand just them a list and say "Now, THIS, AND ONLY THIS, is what you are to believe in..." (Think back to your own pre-baptism interview)

Personally, I have learned to look at what I do in terms of speaking, music, writing and photography as "art" and I have adopted a mission statement for those different pursuits of mine: "To give courage to imagine....".

As a father, I hope I can inspire my little girl, so that when she looks up at a star, rather than waiting for someone to tell her everything about what it is and what it isn't, there will always be that part in her spirit that sings, "twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are..."

Our Anniversary (16th)

So today is our 16th wedding anniversary. It's been a while since we went out with just the two of us, so with my sister offering to take care of Taylor, we went with a friend's recommendation and went to a HIGHLY rated sushi restaurant for dinner.





It was absolutely the BEST sushi we have ever had! The owner/chef only uses fish imported directly from Japan's Toyko Bay within 24 hours of being taken from water. He even makes his own soy sauce!! To mark the occasion, Anna even tried sake for the first time :)

After the meal, we took a short drive to Humber Bay Park, where I captured a couple of nice shots of the Toronto skyline:




Great food, good wine, nice pictures aside, I think the underlying feeling throughout the evening was that we are thankful to have been together for 16 years, through all the up's and down's that life has thrown at us. What a journey it has been!

End of Summer :-(

Today is the last day of Summer...well, perhaps not officially, but we always look at the last day of the Labor Day Weekend as the last day of summer. After dinner at home, we decided to go down to the Harbour Front area for a walk and some ice-cream. As the sun was setting, I managed to catch a shot of the harbour that I thought was rather nice :-)

Not bad, huh? ;-)

After our walk, we bought ice cream from an ice cream truck. (Taylor was born with a special sensor in her optic nerve that enables her to spot an ice cream truck from 12 blocks out:-). It was one of those "moments"...upbeat, happy Jewish music was coming from an open air stage nearby. Everyone was walking around, smiling and checking out the harbour front shops. Wonderful smells from the food stands filled the air. As we sat there with our ice cream, we just tried to sit back and take it all in. (Taylor, of course, was oblivious to the surroundings as she was "locked in" to her ice cream :)

As the sun slowly set in the warm evening breeze, we looked back at the summer and both felt we've taken steps forward as a couple, despite the fact that we are both dealing with our individual pain. As I sat there, I remembered next week is our wedding anniversary...16 years. What a journey it has been. I can't wait to see what lies around the next corner.