Coming out of the fetal position

I walked by my daughter's room just now and saw her sleeping in her favorite fetal position: head and knees tucked into her chest and a couple of fingers in her mouth. When my daughter is sleeping like that, she is in her 'happy place'.

Medical text books tell us that the body goes into such a position to protect itself, to minimize further injuries to vital organs. It is an instinctive reaction when the body undergoes extreme stress or trauma. It is a position of self-preservation.

As I watched my little girl sleeps that way, I realized that's how I have been living recently.

You see, I have learned that pain turns your focus inwards until you are literally and figuratively "wrapped up" with yourself.

The ironic thing was that as I retreated deeper and deeper into self-protection mode, as I wrapped my arms tighter and tigher around myself, what I was doing was squeezing the toxin that was poisoning me closer and closer to my heart, until I literally became suicidal.

Then slowly, ever so slowly, I realized the Gospel has an answer, a piece of "good news" for those in pain...

For the first time in my Christian journey, I saw Jesus' life in a different light: In Jesus I saw a brutal honesty that acknowledged pain without the need to mask it, hide it, deny it, or even explain it. He screamed. He cried. He burned with anger.

But, and here is the "good news": instead of curling up in the instinctive "fetal position", Jesus literally did the opposite. He opened his arms, stretched out his legs, and died for the sins of the world.

Perhaps to you, this is no big deal. Perhaps this is all children sunday school material to some of you.

But for me, it is huge.

Because it says to me that even in the face of pain, there is something greater that I can embrace. My life can still have a greater purpose than simply "pain management". My life is meant for more than that.

I can be an instrument of blessing to others. I can be a voice of comfort for those in pain. My story can encourage those who have stumbled and failed. I can be an advocate for those who need a second chance. I can help bring change to how the Christian community looks at those who have failed. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I am in pain. Yes, sometimes it rips me apart. But the good news in Jesus' story says I don't have to wrap myself around it. I don't have to embrace it. My life can be better than that.

For me, that is "good news" indeed.

Those of you who read this blog, I ask for your help:

Help me to come out of my 'fetal position':

Help me to "unclutch" my hands, and "let go" of what others have said and done to me in the past.

Help me to lift up my head so I can see further than my own pain.

Help me to unfold my legs, so I can stand up and walk again.

Help me to open my arms, and welcome the next page in my story...