I just wrote a difficult email.
Last year, partly because I thought it will be a good "emotional break" and partly because it may be a good career transition move, I applied to go to teachers' college. I was quite pleasantly surprised when I was accepted for this September.
Meanwhile I had taken up my current position of leading a non-profit community service organization. At the beginning, I looked at it as a one year experiment to see if this field interests me. During this time, the organization suddenly fell into crisis mode and I had to learn to rebuild a new funding base, develop a new menu of programs and basically re-invent a 35 year-old organization. A task that I felt very unqualified for but was grateful for the unique learning opportunity. There is nothing like a baptism by fire!
As the summer came to a close, I was dreading the decision that I must make: Should I leave and go back to school? Or should I stay on my job and forfeit my offer of admission?
After many sleepless nights and pondering back and forth, I felt that my presence and leadership is needed here at my job, and decided to shelf the idea of going back to school, at least for now.
That was the difficult email that I just wrote and sent.
Right after I hit "send", it hit me that this has happened before...and I felt a chill down my spine.
A couple of years ago when I knew I was emotionally burnt out as a minister, an opportunity presented itself for me to do something else and "get out". I went through the same process: the sleepless nights, the pros and cons, back-and-forth's, and finally decided to stay because the church needed "my leadership and presence".
The rest, as they say, was history...
Oh my god, what have I just done? Did I just repeat my mistake?
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1 comment:
Alfred,
Before you get into a panic mode, I think the main difference between the last time you chose to stay and the decision you just made this time is, you actually really wanted the other opportunity when you came to a cross road a few years back, but felt obligated to stay with the church.
This time, although there may be similar feelings of being tied or feeling responsible to your current employer, it never sounded to me that teacher's college was the be all and end all for you, and that it was something you have always wanted to do. I think if the "perfect" opportunity was to present itself, you may have decided differently. So maybe find comfort that your decision to not go to teacher's college is not so much that you are again putting your own wishes aside, but maybe teacher's college isn't necessarily the thing for you.
Keep searching!
B
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