Thoughts from a day of purging...

"Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body" (Ecc 12:12)

Today, in preparation for doing some renovations in the house, we spent the day doing some much needed "purging". As part of that process, Anna and I went through our collection of books, some of them from our university days, and donated almost all of them.

As we pick the books off the shelves, it was like a journey through time. Each phase of our life journeys were marked by certain books that spoke to us during that time. It was interesting to see how in our earlier days as young Christians we were drawn to books that defined the Christian faith in black and white terms. There were books on how to "defend" our faith, books that spelled out the "definitive Christian position" in no uncertain terms on a variety of ethical issues, books that gave "tried and true" tips on how to "win over secular people", just to name a few. I think both Anna and I felt that in a very real sense, we have "outgrown" those books. Not to say that we are "smarter" than those writers by any means, but we just felt that is not how we approach faith anymore. So, into the donation bin they went.

Then we came upon our big collection of "Christian marriage" books. That was a significant moment for both of us. There was a time when both of us really "believed" in the "recipes for a great marriage" presented in those books. But, after having gone through what happend last year, again, both of us felt a sense of having "outgrown" them. So, all of them ended up in the donation bin.

I think the one main reason why all those Christian books simply don't resonnate with us anymore is that we are both longing for an approach to faith that is not afraid to face up to the ugliness that exist within the "Evangelical Christian religion". Having been betrayed and abandoned by those in our church, we know that the "Christian community" is not always a wonderful place to be. And having seen the hypocrisy of how many Christian leaders having marriages that looked great in church on Sunday mornings but are in shambles once they got into the car, we are tired of the idea that somehow Christians have "cornered the market" on good and healthy marriages.

I think both of us are seeking to be part of a Christian community that takes the reality of "brokenness" seriously. One that is opened to admitting that "Yes, we are broken. None of us are better than anyone else. And yes, that brokenness rear its ugly, really ugly head in our personal lives as well as in our community. And yes, there are times that we as a church end up hurting people. But if we admit it, if we acknowledge it, if we don't pretend we are better than we actually are, then perhaps we can take the first step towards demonstrating what the Gospel is about."

Toward the end of the day, I came across the "trophy" that I was given at my 10th anniversary at my old church. It was a quiet emotional moment for me. As I slowly put the trophy into one of the garbage bags, I felt incredibly sad. It was ironic. I felt sad, because I felt nothing at all...