Reflection (4): Brokenness...

Mother Teresa once said "You will never know Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have."

I have been thinking about that quote a lot lately.

How often have we been guilty of telling the world that "Jesus is all you need!" When we have never, not once, allowed ourselves to remotely come close to a place in life where Jesus is all we have? In fact, don't most of us direct our lives, our studies, our careers, our financial planning to avoid ending up in a situation where "Jesus is all we have"?

But, as part of the evangelical church culture, we do this sort of thing all the time. We speak about things that we have no business speaking on:

We declare forgiveness without knowing the pain of being offended.

We pronounce judgement on people without ever spending 5 minutes in their shoes.

We promise to embrace all people in our community without really knowing how difficult it can be...is it any wonder that people who are most difficult to "embrace" usually would not touch the church with a ten foot pole?

We really should stop saying those things. Really.

Because, with all due respect, we don't know what we are talking about.

Recently I discovered something about myself: I am deeply flawed.

(I know some of you find that VERY hard to believe..."You mean, he is not perfect? Oh, say it ain't so! For the love of God, say it ain't so!")

I am not just talking about having a couple of annoying habits ("Would you PLEASE stop leaving your socks all over the place??") or some less than ideal, but "safe" shortcomings ("I don't spend nearly enough time in prayer."). Rather, I am talking about being flawed and broken and corrupted and polluted at the core of my being. That I am capable of things that I never thought possible.

This new "appreciation" of my own brokenness has led me to a startling realization: As a Christian, it is much easier to talk about how God's grace is all YOU need when I have never been in a situation where God's grace is all I have. I would tell people to "receive" or "accept" God's grace in Jesus in much the same fashion that a doctor would instruct a patient to take two asprins and call him in the morning.

It is simple. It is easy.

I now know that only those who have never really confronted their own brokeness and ugliness, and thus have never really needed grace would talk about grace being simple and easy to accept.

You can always figure out who they are. One word betray their identity. That favorite word in the evangelical dictionary: "Just"

"Just believe it."

"Just accept it."

Those who have been to that pit where they have stared at their own brokenness know very well that when you are at that place where you really, really need grace, there is nothing "just" about it...

You do not "just" believe because you once did, and you really don't know if you want to do it anymore.

You do not "just" accept it because there are things that you are angry and bitter about, and like Job in the Bible, you want your day in court. With God and with others.

For all my life, my favorite verse in the entire Bible is "My grace is sufficient for you..." I quoted it often for others in speech and in writing. I tossed it around like croutons in a salad. Only now do I know how heavy a statement that is...when I struggle with my need for grace. When I wonder and doubt if grace truly is sufficient.

I have now learned I should stop pronouncing grace as if it is the easy magic pill that will solve all your problems.

May be our Jewish brothers and sisters have it right when they refuse to speak aloud the name of God. Because certain things are truly best left unsaid, partly because they are sacred.

And partly because we truly, truly do not know what we are talking about.