I felt slightly weary driving to work today after a busy weekend. As I mentioned in my previous post, we were busy cleaning up and purging stuff on Saturday. On Sunday we did a little more cleaning up, had lunch with my parents, did some grocery shopping, and as usual, I went to play hockey at night (and as usual, our team lost, but that's another story for another post :) In the car this morning I was going through in my mind the list of things we did this weekend. At the same time I started another mental list of all the things we still have to do before Christmas comes (yikes!). Let's see...we are putting down new floors at home, our office is moving, I have a whole bunch of meetings to line up before Christmas with potential corporate funding partners for our agency, oh my...I am getting a headache :(
It was just another busy, enjoyable, but uneventful weekend. And it occured to me, that it was another weekend without church. It's been more than a year since I've been in church. But after what was done to us by some in our own church, I still do not feel I can "entrust" myself and my family to another "Christian community". But this morning, as I ponder upon the arrival of yet another Christmas, there was a quiet longing to belong somewhere and to invest our lives to make a difference in the life of another community. Although right now the wounds still feel fresh, I hope one day I can allow myself to belong again.
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8 comments:
Dear Alfred,
Please be encouraged, there are many out there, including myself, wants to feel "belong", and one day, the fight for the Real Church will come, because there are those of us who have been hurt and understand the true meaning of forgiveness and community and that's what Christ wants it to be. please do not give up please do not be discouraged! There are many broken people out there waiting for the true Gospel, the one and only one that God wants us to deliver!
ann
Ann,
The true Gospel has already been delivered. The 'us' I hope is not just Alfred & you; that will be exclusive. God help us (all).
It always 'easy' to get to a corner and be miserable. 同病相憐 or 自憐。It seems that only both of you are the only people that are hurt. Only you that care for the REAL GOSPEL.
C'mmon, pull up your socks and get moving forward.
Thank you again Ann, for your kind words of encouragement. I have learned that in order to truly "belong", it takes a great deal of trust. We need to trust the community enough to reveal who we are, with all our brokenness, and then say, "Here I am, do I belong?" I hope for both of us, (and many others) that one day enough healing will have taken place so that we are capable of trusting at that level again.
Alfred
Dear Anonymous:
Thank you for taking time to read and comment. You wanted to encourage folks like Ann and I to not dwell on our hurtful experiences and move forward. Believe me when I say that's my wish as well. You want to see the best for us. For that I truly thank you.
Let me also take this opportunity to suggest some "food for thought": You mentioned that the "true Gospel" has already been delivered. On one hand of course that is true, as the message of the Gospel is embodied in the life of Jesus. At the same time however, more and more people like myself in the Christian community are beginning to realize that perhaps our traditional understanding of "the gospel" has been woefully and tragically inadequate. That we have yet to see and understand the full implications of Jesus' "good news" for the world. If I may use your words, while I believed the true Gospel has already been delivered, it has yet to be "discovered".
On the point of people like Ann and myself like to retreat to a corner and be miserable, perhaps there is a greater truth involved. Can it be that "misery loves company" because it takes one who is in misery to truly understand and minister to another? Is it possible that there is an element of "gospel truth" in that? Perhaps that why Jesus came as "a man of sorrow, familiar with suffering"?
Just some food for thought. Thank you again for reading and commenting.
I never became a member in the church that I used to go to - perhaps I knew deep down that I didn't belong there, and I left long before you did.
Recently, I have been exploring membership with another church. Not necessarily because I feel I can "trust" this particular Christian community, but more that I feel compelled to join a group of people of faith that are standing up for injustice in the world, rather than trying to evangelize to the world; to look at our faith as one that is inclusive and welcoming regardless of who they are and what they've done; rather judging people through a narrow set of "right or wrong" lens.
I am in no way saying that the priorities of the church I used to attend somehow got it wrong. I know many wonderful people who go there, and feel strongly towards its mission. It was just simply the wrong church for me.
At this new church, for the first time in my Christian life, I find myself getting excited about the potential to be part of a community that cares enough to stick its head out and fight for jusice, goodness and love - not because it only wants to spread the Christian faith, but because it cares about all creation, regardless of their faith.
It is my hope that one day, you will also find a church that you can get excited about again.
sis
Dear Alfred, I pray that the love of God will overwhelm you so much that one day you will be able to risk yourself again into a community of sinners, just like what He did for us. Blessings to you. Alan
sounds like progress Alf.. I've come across more and more people who've left former established churches to find god and a place they can call home...
Dear Alfred,
I feel for you and the heartache & pain you and family had to endure. There's no word can describe them. Yes, I agree that we have to live out the true intent of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. This can only be done by the grace of God and nothing else.
If you have a chance (& willingly of course), please read the book titled 'Grace Awakening' by Chuck Swindoll. Also, please watch this if you can:
http://www.dts.edu/media/play/?MediaItemID=fb37febc-7fd0-4a23-85fe-f6bd219befad
I hope it will help. I sincerely hope so!
Lovingly,
Anonymous
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